Sacred Resolution

I have been thinking a lot lately about the importance of resolution: why our hearts hunger for it, why situations feel incongruent without it, why there is so much pain around its lack.  We, as humans, have a deep need for understanding and closure.  I think of the parents of missing children who are in a state of limbo for years.  They desperately want their children back, but short of that happening, they need to know what happened to their children. Or, when a car accident takes a life or wounds a loved one- we want to know what happened to cause the accident.  When a person receives a diagnosis, they want to understand why and what to do about it.  Understanding what happened is the first step to closure when anything harmful, difficult or wrong happens.  We can then seek to repair it, we can grieve it, or we can take the steps needed to let it go.  

The human heart needs to finish a full loop from crisis to resolution.  If part of that loop is left open, it creates a strong dissonance within. We aren’t able to move forward. We are plagued with questions. Our own assumptions dangerously fill in gaps.  This is why communication is so important when there are relational breaks.  If we simply stop talking to someone, it leaves this need for resolution utterly unfinished.  For relational people, that is an unbearable place to live indefinitely.

In Romans 12:18, the apostle Paul says, “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”  I see both challenge and comfort in that verse.  The challenge is to do absolutely everything we can to be at peace with all people in our lives.  The comfort is in accepting the fact that we are only responsible for our efforts, not another’s response to us.  Sadly, it is not always possible to be at peace.   

We work for it.  We give our best effort to it.  We treat others with respect, even when we have to call out bad behavior or confront. We disagree and still remain at peace with another.  When injustice enters into the picture, we stay true to ourselves while calling it out. When we face a relational break, we pursue resolution.  

If we all lived this way, our world would be a far different place.  So much of our pain comes from unresolved issues.  When we don’t have the resolution we need, when things are left hanging in the balance, it’s important that we not lose sight of our own character and self respect. We need to stay consistent with who we know ourselves to be.  

If we are seeking resolution from someone who will not give it to us, we need to be careful not to own the problem if we have done all we can to resolve it.  That is the most difficult place for many of us to live in.  We need a lot of grace and strength to be able to live without resolution.  It’s like being denied life-sustaining food.  

If you have the power to give someone the resolution they seek, I beg you to do it.  You will be part of the healing of both of your lives if you do.  If you are being denied resolution and you have done all you can, I pray that you will find the strength and comfort you need by staying true to yourself and not owning what is not yours.  

Philosopher Martin Buber wrote, “When two people relate to each other authentically and humanly, God is the electricity that surges between them.”  

I am praying for a world where we truly treat each other as the image bearers of the Divine as we relate to each other authentically and humanly.